duende

I just got back to the States from Oaxaca Mexico with a few friends. I don’t know much Spanish, but I know that next time I go to this alluring, mystical place, I will bring with me more understanding of the language. What I did take from my experience down there was a deep love of the energy that exists in Mexico. It’s not the beaches, the sun, the humidity or the way my body reacts to the jungle (hint: it’s not positive!).

It’s Duende: an indescribable, overwhelming sense of awe and magic in the air. It’s the way people live, interact, connect, look one another in the eye, communicate. I have a hard time learning Spanish because when I hear people speaking it, it sounds like a mellifluous melody! All I hear is a glorious musical experience. I fall in love with the magic that stirs in the air. I get swept away by the colors, the swirls of song, the expansiveness nature of the place. I get lost in it and find it hard to retain information. I tried to learn a phrase everyday and none of them stuck. I will have to learn Spanish here, at home and bring the comprehension with me.

Welcome home to the states, but more importantly, I am welcoming myself back home to my heart. Viva La Vida!

All you need is Love! (… and a healthy balance of everything else)

Listen. One of my core values in life is love. I love LOVE!!! I truly do. And I have been bit by the monster of toxic positivity a few times in my life.

Many of my friends have told me: “well, at least you have trouble not being negative …”

But the truth is, I have dismissed, instructed others on, avoided and downright ignored challenges emotions in my life too often due to toxic positivity.

So, yes, I love love, and there is space in my heart for hate, as well. There is space in my life for discontent, aversion, antagonism, revulsion, disgust, and even hatred. To deny my feelings of hatred is to repress it. And I have seen all too often what happens when you put a lid on a scary box of emotions in your body - it festers.

For instance, I have a serious hatred for being in the hot sun for too long. I hate having irritated tastebuds on my tongue. I hate feeling trapped or stuck. I dislike sugary beverages. I am disgusted by scalloped potatoes. The smell of fresh papaya makes me cringe. And I do not like an overcooked egg.

It’s okay to have things that I hate. We cannot just paint the world in magical rainbows of bright shiny colors and pretend the smelly, nasty, repulsive things in the world do not exist.

Aversion stirs us. Pain and discomfort inspire us to take action to change things.

What do you hate? Write a poem and share it with me, and I will share with you my recent poem on all things putrid to me!

“How are you So Happy?”

A friend asked me this today. Not the first time. Won't be the last.

The question assumes happiness is a destination I've reached while they're still navigating the labyrinth. But that's the wrong map entirely.

Here's what I've learned about joy—not from finding it, but from building the conditions where it can find and delight me daily.

You have to eat the whole meal.

Most people are spiritual vegetarians—they want the light without the dark, the mountaintop without the valley, the transformation without the death part. But acceptance isn't about finding silver linings. It's about recognizing that darkness isn't the absence of light—it's one of its necessary forms.

The yin-yang symbol isn't aspirational - it's structural. A description of how things actually work when you stop insisting they work differently.

The tyranny of categories is making you miserable.

Your brain wants neat boxes: good/bad, right/wrong, safe/dangerous. But reality is mycorrhizal—everything networked, interpenetrating, impossible to separate without killing the lifeforce.

When you insist the world be simpler than it is, you create a permanent gap between your expectations and what's actually happening. That gap … that is where suffering lives rent-free.

Most people are just doing their best with what they've got.

This isn't naïve optimism—it's efficient psychology. When someone hurts you, they're usually just leaking their own pain in your direction. You can spend your energy being wounded or you can see the wound itself.

Generosity of Spirit isn't about being nice. It's about staying sovereign. Their chaos doesn't have to become your chaos. Their emergency doesn't have to become your identity.

Let people in anyway.

The logic of protection says: I've been hurt before, so I'll build higher walls. The logic of aliveness says: I've been hurt before, so I know I can survive it—and connection is worth the risk.

Love isn't what happens when you find someone safe enough. It's what happens when you stay open to the unsafe, the uncertain, the uncontrollable parts of being human together. With bravery and courage. With an open heart.

Fear is just excitement that forgot how to breathe.

Your nervous system can't tell the difference between standing at the edge of a cliff and standing at the edge of your life changing. Same racing heart. Same tight throat. Same aliveness.

The question isn't whether you're afraid. It's whether you're willing to be afraid and move anyway. Not recklessly—but deliberately, with your eyes open to what you're choosing.

Sadness isn't the problem. Avoiding it is.

You can't selectively numb. When you armor yourself against grief, you also armor yourself against joy. They're the same capacity - the same aperture. The same willingness to let life matter enough to break your heart.

Sit in the sadness when it comes. Don't perform it, don't curate it for social media, don't make it mean something about your spiritual progress. Just let it move through you like the weather. It will.

You weren't built to do this alone.

I was born with a partner—my twin sister was co-regulating my nervous system since before either of us had nervous systems. I've never known what it's like to be fundamentally alone…

Some people may judge me for the way I've woven my life through relationships. But I've learned this: coherence doesn't come from independence. It comes from interdependence. From knowing you're part of a larger conversation that was happening before you arrived and will continue after you leave.

So what's the actual practice?

Stop waiting for your life to be fixed before you let yourself be happy. Happiness isn't the prize for solving all your problems—it's what becomes possible when you stop needing them to be solved.

Breathe like you mean it. Reflect like you're studying something fascinating instead of cataloging your failures. Talk to people who can hold complexity without trying to simplify you. Get professional help from someone who understands that being human is a spectrum condition, not a problem to be cured.

This is why I became a coach, a guide. I've been having these conversations my whole life—as a barista, a bartender, the person you meet on an airplane who somehow knows about your divorce before you've finished your ginger ale.

I decided to get trained so I could do it on purpose. So these conversations could be my life's work instead of just my life's tendency.

If you want to talk, you know where to find me.

TLDR: The Actual How

• Accept the whole spectrum. Light and dark aren't opposites—they're partners. Stop trying to have one without the other.

• Abandon binary thinking. Reality is networked and complex. Your insistence on simple categories is creating unnecessary suffering.

• Practice sovereign generosity. Other people's pain isn't yours to carry. See the wound without becoming wounded.

• Stay open to connection. Vulnerability isn't weakness—it's the only path to the aliveness you're seeking.

• Reframe fear as excitement. Your nervous system can't tell the difference. Learn to breathe through the edge.

• Feel the sadness fully. You can't numb selectively. Grief and joy share the same door.

• Build interdependence. You're not meant to be self-sufficient. Find your people and let them matter.

• Do the work: Breathe deliberately. Reflect honestly. Connect consciously. Get professional support that honors complexity.

Connection is Key.

This is Why Connection is Key to a Prosperous & Pleasurable Life.   

Have you ever gone on a life-changing vacation and felt SO ALIVE, so liberated and completely connected??  Only to come home and feel even WORSE because the contrast from how you feel in the day to day versus how you felt while away on retreat is so striking.  

This is because while we are away from our regular life, we are more attuned to new sensation - our system is alert to new smells, new sounds, new sights! We are ready and excited to connect with the world fresh!  However, we return home to the regularly scheduled program, and life feels dulls again.  What is this all about? 

There is a massive plight that has struck our world: DISCONNECTION.  It runs so much deeper in us than we even know.  Though the internet tricks us into believing we are more connected than ever... our wires are crossed, our attention is split, and we have a hard time focusing, being present, and genuinely connecting. We are inextricably woven into the tapestry of the Universe, yet we feel separate from it.  We love our family and children, yet we can’t help but pay more attention to screens and robots than the living, breathing beings in front of us.  

I owned a sweet coffee shop for 6 years in a small mountain town.  I LOVED it - it was my entire life.  

Two days after my second child was born, we were informed that the building had sold - we needed to close up the shop in 4 months  I was entirely devastated.  

My lifeline to my community felt like it was ripped from me.  

My relationship to my Self and my purpose felt torn into shreds.  

I associated my work and life as one thing. 

I felt something inside me die.

I wasn't sure how to reawaken my fire - lost and confused... I struggled and grasped for a few years to understand what could possibly come next.  

Then I began my healing journey through Sex Magick and plant medicine work.  Sex Magick awaken my senses and connection to self-love.  Plant medicine stirred my spirit and deepened my internal awareness.  I began meditating, listening deeper, slowing down and really tuning in to the Sacred aspects of my life and this world.  

I woke up to the fact that the café was never about coffee - it was entirely about CONNECTION - 

connection with my staff, my customers, beautiful art, magical music, enlivening dancing, wacky creative events... 

It was about being amongst kindred spirits.  

I knew my next career move would be heart-centered, and focused on the interdependence of life.  

I began my quest to figure out how to share my unique gifts with the world.  After 2 years of Transpersonal Psychology and an intensive year long program with the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality, I knew what my calling was…  bringing people back into connection. 

Becoming a Relationship coach felt like the most important thing I could do with my time, as I believe everything is born from relationship.  Our relationship to one another, the planet, the elements, the animals and most importantly, to our Self.  

I have built a few meaningful, purpose-driven businesses.  A café, an event space, a tea company, an artist co-op…  

I have followed my heart in life and succeeded in building the life I desire.  

I have overcome sexual numbness and reconnected back to my pleasure to find my power.  

I have dedicated the past few years to learning how to help others do the same.  

I love to connect with people through play, nature, meaningful practice and deep conversation. 

In my coaching: 

I help people tell their story.

We tease out what is theirs and what is not. 

We gain clarity around their true desires.

We connect them back to their pleasure and power through that deep connection.

We build their self-love and confidence. 

We explore the Soul Self through parts work, artistic expression, exploration in nature, plant medicine journeys, mindfulness, breathwork and an array of self-pleasure practices. 

Bit by bit we create play and pleasure practices that reconnect them to their Soul Self.  

We have FUN and find meaning in the mundane.  

We ENJOY life and celebrate the vibrancy of life.

5 TOOLS I USE IN MY PRACTICE:

Tantric Approach to life - instead of having a dualistic mindset of either/or, I nudge my clients toward full acceptance with a Both/And approach.

Storytelling: Flip the script.  STORY… we all carry stories. The story you choose to tell will write your entire life! 

Nature & Ritual - connecting to the earth and creating a meaningful relationship through sacred songs, prayer and ritual.

Play & Pleasure Practices - PLAY activates softness, openness, and receptivity.  PLEASURE motivates and enlivens! ENJOY and celebrate this human body through PLAY & PLEASURE!

I teach you empowerment through orgasm! 

I am a PROSPERITY COACH who uses pleasure and empowerment to help people become magnetic to their desires in business and in love. Together, we will create harmony and coherence in your life.

I dare you to seek… 

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